Havre ,MT (AP)-- Grizzly Wacoff, one of the least popular players on the Cleek Tour, came home the big winner at the 2009 CDT Awards Banquet. Held, as usual, at Slasher Anderson's palatial estate in LaGrange, the gala event would have to be considered a complete success and tremendous fun (for anyone over the age of 95).

Tee Time Toi received the coveted Duffer Of The Year award, and was so impressed by the quality of the large trophy that he vowed to not throw it away for at least a week. The shockingly beautiful award was supplied by Howling Dog, with only some Scum Industries magic marker strokes detracting from its appearance.

The highlight of the evening came when the pizzas were delivered. Close on its heels, however, was the award presented to Grizzly Wacoff. To commemorate his achievement of finishing second in the two-player 2008 Premium Drink Bet competition, Wacoff received a priceless apple juice bottle filled with used oil from Pav's lawnmower. Duct taped to the cap was a very nice used golf ball. "I know I'll always see some exciting awards presented every year at the banquet," Wacoff slurred, "But who would have thought an average Joe like me would ever win something so exquisite!"

Finally, putting a damper on an otherwise wonderful event, Slasher Anderson, too drunk to notice he was not alone at home, attempted to have sex with his pet dog, Bruce. An appalled Scum and Howling Dog watched on in horror, as Anderson vainly tried to excite the dog with his pathetic diddling. The shocking show of depravity finally ended with Bruce biting Anderson's face before filing attempted rape charges with the LaGrange Police Dept.